My Sister Is Getting Married

My sister is getting married in December. We’re going to look at wedding dresses tomorrow. Yes, she has waited until three months away to look for dresses. Actually, that’s not quite the way it went. At first she was planning a September wedding. She kinda doesn’t have much money to do this so she doesn’t want a whole bunch of people there. This presents a problem because we have a rather large family. So everyone who doesn’t get invited (right down to second cousins twice removed) is going to be pissed.  So after some thought, she decided to get married in another state…on a weekday. Her plan was to invite a big bunch of people so they would all buy her gifts but wouldn’t be able to come to the wedding. For some reason she changed her mind about this. Anyway she kept picking different dates and places and finally everyone told her to just decide already.

She looked at a calendar, picked a Friday evening close to Christmas and set the date. She finally decided to have the wedding in the basement of her new house…which isn’t even finished yet. I mean the house is not finished, not just the basement (although that’s not finished either). So the plan is to have Christmas wedding decorations. That way she gets a bunch of free Christmas decorations out of this because she knows our mother and I will buy a lot of the decorations. We’re in charge of the decorations by the way. I think I forgot to mention that. My sister…practicality at its best! This is a disaster waiting to happen. And who will get the blame for all of it? Yours truly.

I tried to make it a really nice wedding when she was planning it for September. I sent her tons of pictures of cakes and decorations and colors and dresses. She wouldn’t even pick a color. Her answer to every single question was, “Whatever’s cheapest.” She literally expected Mother and I to do everything. At least I’m a little more enthusiastic about it since it’s near Christmas. I love Christmas, and this is going to be like a huge Christmas decorating project! I’ll check in tomorrow evening and let you know how the dress hunting goes. I assume she’ll be looking for dresses for me as well. I’m not looking forward to it. I haven’t liked trying on clothes since I was 120 pounds.

 

Update:

Dress shopping went well. She picked apple red for my dress color. It’s a pretty dress. Her dress is beautiful! But the ladies who do the alterations flipped out when she told them the wedding date. Going to be cutting it close!

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Category: Family  Leave a Comment

Candy’s Cookies

Candy at work is trying to slowly learn to cook. She has started with something simple: cookies. I asked her a few weeks ago how her cookies had turned out and she said that they turned out okay. She didn’t care much for them, but her fiance seemed to love them. He took what they didn’t eat that night to work with him the next day.

Today, Candy was telling me that she was beginning to suspect that her fiance didn’t like her cookies at all. I asked her what made her think that ( I mean, how can you mess up cookies???), and she told me that every time she bakes cookies, her boyfriend will eat one or two and tell her that he’s taking the rest to work with him the next day because they are so good. I have to admit that this sounds fishy to me. She thinks he doesn’t like them and is “taking them to work” so he can get rid of them without having to eat them.

I tend to agree with her assessment of the situation. The fact that he only eats one or two when she can see him and then thinks they’re just so more »

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter

How NOT To Make A Pecan Pie

I had a friend, Alyssa, when I was in college who was quite spoiled. She was not a domestic person at all. Then she had a baby and was suddenly thrust into the roles of mother, wife, homemaker, and cook all at once.

She called me up on the day before Thanksgiving one year and asked if I would come to her house for dinner. I always go to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, but we have our meal around lunchtime, so I told her if I got back into town early enough I’d drop by.

I could hear Alyssa’s sobs as I walked toward the door of her apartment. Her boyfriend, Ricky, answered the door. “What’s wrong with her?” I asked. “She’s upset about dinner.” As it turned out, she hadn’t thawed her turkey, so the outside was crispy and beautiful, but the inside wasn’t done. She’d burnt more »

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter

How To Make A Man Happy

A couple of us girls were talking about men one day within ear shot of our male coworker, Conner. He decided to give us some pearls of wisdom about the male gender that day. Conner turned to us and said, “Girls, men only need the three S’s to be happy: Shelter, Sex, and Snacks.” I don’t know where he came up with this. I’m not sure if he made it up himself or read it somewhere, but, by God, it’s brilliant!

Let’s go through all of these. First snacks. There is an old adage stating that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I think there is definitely some logic there. This may have started out as some means of encouraging young girls to learn to cook in order to find a husband, I’m not sure. But some men’s palates aren’t as distinguished as others. Whereas one man may prefer Quiche, another may prefer gravy and biscuits. Brace yourselves girls: no two men are alike!!! Shocker, huh? Seriously though, I think where food is concerned, you should find out what the particular man you are interested in (or the one you already have) enjoys most….and adapt. We’re women, after all…adaptability is our middle name! How many times have you adapted to different guys? So adapt your recipe book. Can’t cook? Get his favorite dish as takeout more »

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter

Flat Tire In New Jersey On a Sunday Afternoon

Last year my boyfriend had a show in New York City so I took off work for the week and went with him. I’d never been to New York before so I jumped at the opportunity. We drove my car up from Kentucky. Let me tell you a little about my car before we get much further into this story. I have a 2007 Mazda 6s GT. I love my car dearly, but I am constantly getting flat tires. Damned low profile tires…but they look really nice!

We’re on our way home and cruising through New Jersey when we hit a pothole (big surprise in New Jersey)…and get a flat. I get flats so often that I actually have a little pump that you plug into the cigarette lighter of the car. It wouldn’t work because there was a hole. So we had to put on the spare. So Chris changes the tire and gets back in the car and says, “Bad news.” He proceeded to explain to me how when he was putting the spare on, the security lug nut broke off as he was tightening it. He showed me the pieces. So it was stuck on there and he didn’t know how we were going to get it off.

We can’t drive all the way back to Kentucky with a spare on, so we get off at the first exit we find. It’s a Sunday afternoon and we don’t expect to find any place open to put a new tire on. We pull up to this little service station and Chris walks in to talk to the guy working there. He couldn’t have been any more than twenty years old. They walk out and start looking at the tire. He says he’ll try to plug it. Didn’t work (of course it didn’t…this is my screwy life, right?) because in addition to the hole we could see, there was a rip along the wall of the tire. So he tells us how to get to a Sears Auto Center from there.

Chris decides to ask him about our lug nut problem. He says, “Dude, You guys are fucked.” Exactly the words you want more »

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter